Suddenly Single & Thriving

How are you holding up? It was a bit of a struggle for me at the beginning.  Putting up the tree was a little depressing and one of my kids pointed out that it was a reminder of the not so great times we had.  There were the times their dad put together their toys without them (and played with them), "the crappy gifts dad gave you mom, remember the year he didn't get you anything?"--Yes, yes I do, and other not so great memories.  For what it's worth, there is a lot of information out there on how narcissists ruin holidays.   Once we realized that we had these little "triggers" and we saw why we were feeling bad, it was easier to face it and make some changes. We've kept a few traditions from when the kids were small and we've slowly been building new traditions.    For the tree, we've added fancy new lights that do a light show, you just put the ring on the top of the tree, and they drape down.  So easy, and pretty with little effort!  We pu...

I don't know how I found Chump Lady , but I'm so glad I did!  Some people find Chump Lady's language to be a deterrent, but I have to say that she says it like it is and I really needed that, especially at the beginning when I had so much anger. Think of Chump Lady as part Dear Abby and part best friend who will cuss out your ex and set your thinking right.  People write and Chump Lady gives advice.  She was a chump too, so she gets it.   One of my favourite parts on her site is the UBT, Universal Bullshit Translator .  The UBT translates the smarm that a chump receives, usually in the form of an email or text, into what the FW (you can look this one up on her site) is actually saying.  After listening to BS for years, having someone break it down helps you to see it for what it really is, BS.   Chump Lady let me know that I didn't have to buy into the reconciliation trope.  I don't have to co-parent with my ex and have that perfect pos...

I've been thinking about this blog a lot. What I wanted to say and do with it.  The best thing I can do is share what has worked for me. There's no hard and fast rule of what works for anyone. But it helps to know that it's possible to survive and even thrive after being left suddenly. Over the next few weeks, I'll share what I have found helpful and I hope it can help someone else.  My first big tip is Divorce Care . I cannot recommend this program enough. Early in my journey, I called my church to get some support. The receptionist told me that the first session of the next Divorce Care was that night. She told me that I should go and she let me know that there was a program for kids as well, Divorce Care for Kids .  I took my kids and we went. It's a 13 week program and it gives you practical information about divorce, debt management, co-parenting, and more.  You can find all the topics here . It is a Christian program, but the people in my groups w...

I started writing this blog about 1 year into separation. Here we are at 3.5 years and I'm still separated, not divorced. There are a lot of reasons I'm not yet divorced, but I'm not going to get into it right now. The important thing is that I'm three and a half years closer to being me again. Healing is definitely a process and when you've spent 20 years in an unhealthy environment, it takes awhile to detox from the negative thought patterns and reactions. The thing is I finally feel like writing again. This is huge as writing has always been a passion and I haven't been interested in doing anything for quite some time. So here I am. The purpose of this blog is to share what separation and divorce looks like for me. Everyone's journey is different, but it can help to see other points of view. This is my story. I don't claim to represent any other person going through divorce. Just me. About Me: --I'm a forty-something woman in Can...

I created this blog and haven't done much with it yet.  To be honest, writing is a passion I kind of lost during the last few years of my marriage.  I realize now that I lost interest because things were so bad and I didn't notice them.  My goal is to start creating content more regularly here going forward. I'm a little more than a year out since my husband walked out.  Things are a lot better than they were.  I've found that I'm stronger than I knew.  I am still rediscovering who I am because I lost myself in the last few years.  I still have bad days and I still get stressed out when I realize my husband left and I'm a single mom--two things I never thought would happen.  Communicating with him can be difficult, but I've learned to stand up for myself and I don't respond when he is rude. It's not easy, but it gets easier.  You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and before you know it, you are living in your new normal.  ...

I am a writer.  I love to write.  But, as you can imagine, going through a huge life change has taken some of the joy out of my life.  I stopped writing a parenting blog I had before because the wasband stopped paying the bill and didn't tell me.  It went into default and I lost my site.  He knew that I had put a lot of myself into it.  At the time, I saw it as just an accidental forgetfulness.  Now I see it for what it was--emotional abuse.  My little blog was a creative outlet for me and I gained some exposure through it and met some other incredible parents of differently abled children.  To top it off, after he left, I lost access to one of my email accounts as he took me off his office 365 plan (the family one we had).  In order go gain access to another account, he deleted my email history from my blog.  the whole email address and all the mail I had ever received was gone.  He claimed it was the only way to get my other ...

My marriage came to an abrupt end 10 months ago.  I was blindsided because I thought we were working on things and when things seemed off, I kept checking in with him.  I was constantly reassured that he was just tired and everything was fine.  I knew something was up, but I wasn't expecting him to walk out in the middle of the night while I was in the bathroom trying not to throw up after he confessed to cheating on me. It's been both the longest and the shortest 10 months of my life.  I've dealt with more stuff than I thought I could handle before.  I've learned that I'm stronger than I think I am and that I'm tougher than I look. I'm a writer by nature, and it helps me to process a lot of things.  I've been sharing on Instagram (@suddenlysingleandthriving  I will figure out how to link it here later) and thought I would bring that to a blog format.  I'm trying to live in the most positive way I can, but I'm the first to admit that it's...