A Year's Worth of New Things

 

One thing that worked for me was to keep a list of all the new things I did in that first year.  I'd never run a household completely on my own, or cared for the kids alone, or made huge life decisions without a partner.  (of course, now I'd argue that I actually did all those things on my own before, but I had another person in my orbit who seemed to be there with me.)

I decided to keep a list on my phone of everything I did that I hadn't done before.  I added new things to the list for the full 12 months after he left.  Here's what it looked like:

-got oil changed--on my mom's car as I didn't have a vehicle after he left and she lent me hers.
-got my own car--I've never had a car where I was the sole driver
-took car to mechanic--also got my own mechanic 
-jump started a car--with the help of the lovely lady across the street 
-turned off the furnace
-turned on the air conditioner
-called a repair person for the air conditioner
-learned how to clean the filter on the furnace/air conditioner
-turned the furnace on
-fixed my sink
-hired an electrician
-bought new house insurance
-bough new car insurance
-got plumbing fixed
-used a nail gun
-decluttered house
-hired a lawyer
-applied for Legal Aid
-got my own cell phone plan (huge as he was the tech person in the family)
-moved my home phone
-got own internet
-caught up on all the outstanding utility bills--this was sorted in the divorce
-bought a new bed 
-bought a winter coat--sounds little, but he kept telling me there wasn't money for me to have a new coat, despite my previous one not fitting.  (see my post on financial abuse)
-bought new stylish clothes
-got my haircut when I chose and in a style I chose
-bought a new dryer from scratch and dent and paid cash.
-filed my own taxes, and on time!
-practiced self care
-went to the movies alone
-slept alone in the house as the kids were at their father's.
-paid for the mortgage and utilities alone.
-became the sole breadwinner in the home
-drove long distance as the only driver


I am sure I missed some things on my list because there was a whole lot I did, especially in that first year, that I had never done before.  It was a difficult year, but I grew a lot, and I started on the road to healing.  I have to keep making an effort to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. 

If you make a list, let me know how it goes.  I hope you look back on it and see how far you've come! 

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