Money Matters

When I was first separated, I was overwhelmed by all the money matters.  I was left with a lot of debt and no child support at first.  I didn't handle the finances before as that was my ex's job--truthfully I had been groomed to believe that I could not handle the money because it was too much for me to do.  So, I was really at a loss of how to proceed when I was suddenly on my own.

During Divorce Care, I was introduced to Dave Ramsey.  He covered just a bit of his 7 Baby Steps in the course material.  It was easy to understand and helped me to feel like I had a starting point.  I started building up my starter emergency fund, and then used the debt snowball to tackle the debt.  

I also learned about budgeting.  I got the basic information I needed about how to make a budget by listing out all of my income and all of my expenses.  Knowing what needed to be paid (or paid off) helped me to feel in control of my money.  I was telling my money where to go instead of wondering where it went.  

I found that I had a lot of anxiety about money, and it took some time to fully understand that it was a natural response to financial abuse.  I hadn't realized that financial abuse was actually a thing. This article does a very good job of explaining how to identify financial abuse, and gives some steps to help you to get out of it.  Looking at the list, I see now that my ex was a text book financial abuser, down to controlling the purse strings and drawing out the divorce proceedings.  If you are in the same boat, don't give up!  

You may feel uncomfortable with the numbers at first like I did.  Start small and go through the uncomfortable.  A friend of mine had me work on a spreadsheet with her to calculate our expenses in doing batch cooking.  It seemed silly to me, but starting with those small formulas made it easier to look at bigger formulas and bigger numbers.  Now, I'm in control of my money.  I got myself out of crippling debt and repaired my credit score.  It took time, but when I was finally divorced, and the settlement was done, I was out of debt completely, besides the mortgage.  I felt so free to know that the debt was gone.  

Writing this took a toll on my mental health to the point that I left this in drafts for months and didn't write anything else.  I've gotten so much better with handling things that used to cause me anxiety, but it seems there is still some residual anxiety.  Knowing it's there help me to recognize how far I've come and that my healing is still in progress.  

I hope that by sharing some hard things, other people will see that it's possible to get through the mess.  Don't give up!  I am taking care of my family on a single-income.