Here's the Thing....
I am a writer. I love to write. But, as you can imagine, going through a huge life change has taken some of the joy out of my life. I stopped writing a parenting blog I had before because the wasband stopped paying the bill and didn't tell me. It went into default and I lost my site. He knew that I had put a lot of myself into it. At the time, I saw it as just an accidental forgetfulness. Now I see it for what it was--emotional abuse. My little blog was a creative outlet for me and I gained some exposure through it and met some other incredible parents of differently abled children. To top it off, after he left, I lost access to one of my email accounts as he took me off his office 365 plan (the family one we had). In order go gain access to another account, he deleted my email history from my blog. the whole email address and all the mail I had ever received was gone. He claimed it was the only way to get my other email address free, but I know the truth--emotional abuse.
Somewhere along the way, I lost some of my passion for writing. It's coming back slowly and I'm going to start updating this blog more regularly. I also post on my Instagram page, so if you don't see much new here, I try to post on there every couple of days.
Usually I post wins, or positive messages. I try to stay positive, but there will be times when I'm going to vent. It's the nature of this divorce beast and it's the nature of the wasband who is still trying to emotionally control me.
Yesterday was 11 months post discard. He left in the middle of the night without saying a word--as I was in the bathroom trying to vomit because he had just confessed his cheating with me. He still maintains it was only once, but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid any more. The point of this is that my life is so much better. I am free of his constant state of negativity. My mental health got better literally overnight. It's amazing what happens when you aren't living with a person who is constantly playing games with your emotions. I'm stronger than I was. I'm more capable. I've really come back to being me. I wish I didn't have to go through all that I did to get here, but it's made me a stronger woman. Don't give up. The more distance I have had from him, the clearer the past has become. I now see that our relationship wasn't what I thought it was. He was busy manipulating me and our children all so that he could look good to other people. But I'm free of that negativity and I'm no longer under his thumb. I call the shots in my life. Yes, he still likes to cause me trouble, especially with the children, but it's different now.
This has been my late night rambling session for this week. Tune in this weekend for something a little more positive. :)
Somewhere along the way, I lost some of my passion for writing. It's coming back slowly and I'm going to start updating this blog more regularly. I also post on my Instagram page, so if you don't see much new here, I try to post on there every couple of days.
Usually I post wins, or positive messages. I try to stay positive, but there will be times when I'm going to vent. It's the nature of this divorce beast and it's the nature of the wasband who is still trying to emotionally control me.
Yesterday was 11 months post discard. He left in the middle of the night without saying a word--as I was in the bathroom trying to vomit because he had just confessed his cheating with me. He still maintains it was only once, but I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid any more. The point of this is that my life is so much better. I am free of his constant state of negativity. My mental health got better literally overnight. It's amazing what happens when you aren't living with a person who is constantly playing games with your emotions. I'm stronger than I was. I'm more capable. I've really come back to being me. I wish I didn't have to go through all that I did to get here, but it's made me a stronger woman. Don't give up. The more distance I have had from him, the clearer the past has become. I now see that our relationship wasn't what I thought it was. He was busy manipulating me and our children all so that he could look good to other people. But I'm free of that negativity and I'm no longer under his thumb. I call the shots in my life. Yes, he still likes to cause me trouble, especially with the children, but it's different now.
This has been my late night rambling session for this week. Tune in this weekend for something a little more positive. :)
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