Getting Through the Holidays

How are you holding up?

It was a bit of a struggle for me at the beginning.  Putting up the tree was a little depressing and one of my kids pointed out that it was a reminder of the not so great times we had.  There were the times their dad put together their toys without them (and played with them), "the crappy gifts dad gave you mom, remember the year he didn't get you anything?"--Yes, yes I do, and other not so great memories.  For what it's worth, there is a lot of information out there on how narcissists ruin holidays.  

Once we realized that we had these little "triggers" and we saw why we were feeling bad, it was easier to face it and make some changes. We've kept a few traditions from when the kids were small and we've slowly been building new traditions. 
 
For the tree, we've added fancy new lights that do a light show, you just put the ring on the top of the tree, and they drape down.  So easy, and pretty with little effort!  We put new garlands on, changed up the tree skirt, got a new wreath for the door. 

The first year was the toughest because we had all of his ornaments that had been bought or made for him.  We removed those and put them aside right away (they were given to him, I'm not that heartless).  Now the ornaments and decorations are ours.  I have a couple of ornaments from my childhood which I still love.  Most of the new stuff we got at the dollar store, so we didn't go all out and break the bank.  Next on the list is a new tree.

Now we'll spend time with family and friends. If we have some times when we feel a little down, that's OK.  We'll feel the feelings, talk about them, take some time and move forward when we're ready (or if we're ready).

One more thing, if you don't have someone to spend the holidays with, especially if your kids aren't with you, speak up!  People don't know if you don't tell them.  I totally invited myself with some family this year and they are looking forward to seeing us.  Or invite someone else to spend the holiday with you!  Make new plans and new traditions.  

Wishing you a Merry Christmas.  And as Red Green says,